|First art journal entry-saying goodbye to 2013|
"wait there" "how hard this is" "You're where you need to be"
I started a blog. I took a writing class. I joined a writing community. A lot of new friendships have been made. I've written them letters and even met some of them in person. I've recorded my voice speaking bold words. I've shared the not-so-pretty, and not-so-goodgirl facets of my authentic self. I've used the word "I" in a paragraph no less than ten times and though I am tempted to think it's selfish, I refuse to silence myself by taking any of them back. That's a lot of bold for someone who let herself grow into a woman thinking she was supposed to be broken, contrite, quiet, "less than."
I began to discover this year, through experiences, and the encouraging words of my Story Sisters that I am enough. That I don't have to be the savior nor always even the helper, giver, sacrificial one. There is enough space for me to be fully myself and it is not too much. "Enough" is my word for 2014.
Enough because "being" is enough. Enough because scarcity has howled like a banshee and beaten at my door, screaming obscenities of want and lack and I haven't earplugs strong enough to shield me from the lies. I have to drown them in a virtual shoutout showdown. I have to cry "enough!" at the top of my lungs. I have to learn to trust in God's abundance. This is a scary word for me; I am going to have to tap into all I have learned about "fearless" to face it. I'm a perpetual doubter who is going to need reminders.
One way to keep reminding myself is through artistic expression. So my first resolution of 2014 is to fill up an entire art journal. I began on 12/31/2013, not for a head start so much as a reminder that life goes in cycles and endings often precede beginnings. The photo at the top is my first attempt. Art materials included crayons, glue stick, paint, tea, (yes to glorious stains!), sharpie, scorched paper and ashes, (yeah, my smoke alarm didn't even go off with that one. That sort of "fearless" is borderline "foolish" but sometimes it's worth taking chances for the desired end result.)
Wait, what? Making resolutions? I thought you were against making resolutions because nobody keeps them anyway?
I'm doing it anyway. I have a good friend who says this a lot, "do it anyway." She even wrote a book, proving her point in much, much better words than I can describe. Go check it out! I promise you won't regret it. Did I mention it's free? :)
1. Fill an entire art journal.
2. Write at least one new song each month.
3. Write a book of poetry with publication in mind.
4. Finish my manuscript from the novel I wrote during NaNoWriMo.
5. Continue writing my memoir.
6. Come up with a game plan for moving back to a warmer climate and living near family.
7. While we're talking impossible, I resolve to be more patient with my children. (It already stings.)
8. Lose 10 pounds. Haha! I wasn't specific. I might just misplace a small turkey or something...
9. Meet at least 5 more Story Sisters
10. Read at least 4 books per month.
# 11! (Because enough with the uniformity.) Either sing, do spoken-word poetry, or some other performance art before the year is out.
12. Do the T-Tapp 10-day challenge at least once a quarter, and maybe even try the 60-day challenge if they do that again this year. (See #8. blink-blink.)
Lofty goals, no doubt, but it is empowering to TRY. Wishing you all a happy 2014!