Wednesday, January 1, 2014

2013-One Word-2014 -Resolutions-

First art journal entry-saying goodbye to 2013
"wait there" "how hard this is" "You're where you need to be"

2013 was a year full of activity, growth, struggle, trying. My word was "fearless" though you might not think it to look at me. Baby steps = how I roll.

I started a blog. I took a writing class. I joined a writing community. A lot of new friendships have been made. I've written them letters and even met some of them in person. I've recorded my voice speaking bold words. I've shared the not-so-pretty, and not-so-goodgirl facets of my authentic self. I've used the word "I" in a paragraph no less than ten times and though I am tempted to think it's selfish, I refuse to silence myself by taking any of them back. That's a lot of bold for someone who let herself grow into a woman thinking she was supposed to be broken, contrite, quiet, "less than."

I began to discover this year, through experiences, and the encouraging words of my Story Sisters that I am enough. That I don't have to be the savior nor always even the helper, giver, sacrificial one. There is enough space for me to be fully myself and it is not too much. "Enough" is my word for 2014.

Enough because "being" is enough. Enough because scarcity has howled like a banshee and beaten at my door, screaming obscenities of want and lack and I haven't earplugs strong enough to shield me from the lies. I have to drown them in a virtual shoutout showdown. I have to cry "enough!" at the top of my lungs. I have to learn to trust in God's abundance. This is a scary word for me; I am going to have to tap into all I have learned about "fearless" to face it. I'm a perpetual doubter who is going to need reminders.

One way to keep reminding myself is through artistic expression. So my first resolution of 2014 is to fill up an entire art journal. I began on 12/31/2013, not for a head start so much as a reminder that life goes in cycles and endings often precede beginnings. The photo at the top is my first attempt. Art materials included crayons, glue stick, paint, tea, (yes to glorious stains!), sharpie, scorched paper and ashes, (yeah, my smoke alarm didn't even go off with that one. That sort of "fearless" is borderline "foolish" but sometimes it's worth taking chances for the desired end result.)

Wait, what? Making resolutions? I thought you were against making resolutions because nobody keeps them anyway?

I'm doing it anyway. I have a good friend who says this a lot, "do it anyway." She even wrote a book, proving her point in much, much better words than I can describe. Go check it out! I promise you won't regret it. Did I mention it's free? :)

2014's Resolutions

1. Fill an entire art journal.
2. Write at least one new song each month.
3. Write a book of poetry with publication in mind.
4. Finish my manuscript from the novel I wrote during NaNoWriMo.
5. Continue writing my memoir.
6. Come up with a game plan for moving back to a warmer climate and living near family.
7. While we're talking impossible, I resolve to be more patient with my children. (It already stings.)
8. Lose 10 pounds. Haha! I wasn't specific. I might just misplace a small turkey or something...
9. Meet at least 5 more Story Sisters
10. Read at least 4 books per month.
# 11! (Because enough with the uniformity.) Either sing, do spoken-word poetry, or some other performance art before the year is out.
12. Do the T-Tapp 10-day challenge at least once a quarter, and maybe even try the 60-day challenge if they do that again this year. (See #8. blink-blink.)

Lofty goals, no doubt, but it is empowering to TRY. Wishing you all a happy 2014!

14 comments:

  1. Oh Jamie, I love this! I hope I'm one of the sisters who gets to meet you this year, for I love your heart and these goals say so much about who you really are and the woman you are yet becoming... Happy New Year!

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  2. Thank you, Susan. I would be thrilled to meet you! Happy new year to you, too!

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  3. Those are great resolutions! I may just borrow some of them. I guess "great minds run together" LOL I love you!

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  4. Enough is great! Those are great resolutions! They would be too many for me, but I have no doubt you will work away at them!

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  5. My favorite is #11. I love you. Thanks for sharing my book and my heart for authenticity. You were such a lucky find for me this year, Jamie. Seriously. I love you. Also, thanks for sending star stickers to my kids.

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  6. You're welcome to any/all of the resolutions. I gift them to you. ;)

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  7. Thank you, Tannis. I picked too many of them on purpose. I will work away at them but I fully expect they come with a rollover plan. ;) You are so creative in so many ways; you're definitely an inspiration.

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  8. I hope they enjoy the stickers. I'm so seriously happy to share your book. You're a treasure and a lucky find, too. Was it really only this year? I feel like we've been friends for a long time. :D I love you, too. Oh, and #11 is terrifying. But my found poetry message for Jan 1 is, "You're supposed to come back." I couldn't ignore it.

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  9. #11 is brave! I admire you for working toward that.

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  10. Kate, I used to sing/perform in public a lot in my early twenties. That girl has been long forgotten, asleep in her bed of failure. But she's trying to come back and I'm trying to let her. But also I'm terrified. So that's an interesting place to be. I'm defying it and allowing myself to try even if the answer is "fail" again. Because it's really that worth it to try. <3

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  11. So all this time you've secretly been an experienced performance artist? Ha ha. I am glad you are kicking down those failure-feelings and trying again!

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  12. I wasn't trying to be secretive; it just never came up. ;) My sisters and I used to do concerts together to raise money for mission trips.

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  13. GREAT word! I so relate to this, as usual. I laughed at your sentence about how using "I" made you feel selfish because that happened to me JUST THIS MORNING.


    So glad to know you!

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  14. I love it when you say, "me, too." I'm glad to know you, as well. I miss doing class with you. :)

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