Saturday, July 6, 2013

Considering

My first week of class has begun! This is my response to a prompt I received earlier this week for Story 101, exploring my motivation, my voice, and my heart.

I put this off. 
I maybe forgot it. 
Maybe subconsciously wanting to ignore it. 
Do I have to answer these questions? 
They burn so deep.

I have nothing profound to say about what keeps me up at night. 
Each day comes to an exhausting close; 
I fall into bed and it usually doesn't take long to say goodbye to the day.

A child's cry can keep me up. 
Is the answer "a mother's love?" 
A noisy neighbor can likewise interrupt my slumber. 
Is the answer "hyper-vigilance?" 
Bodily functions? 
Unexplained lights or outside noises? 
I don't know. 
My body hits survival mode and I tune out the distractions out of sheer desperation. 
Sleep is already too short.

Sometimes my words keep me up at night. 
A phantom remembrance of a dream that I want to recall. 
A song that sang itself to me in another world. 
A poem that imprinted itself in my soul while I drew life from the deep. 
Glimpses, snatches, of a full, full life- body and soul. 
My life needs to sing. 
Each moment.

Every single day of my life is a lot more mundane than it sounds. 
It really is. 
I don't do anything profound; 
I am not so important or useful from a productivity point of view. 
Fortunately, that doesn't matter to me or to anyone else whose opinions I crave.

So what would I talk about? 
What else is there but that all roads worth traveling lead to love. 
Therein lies significance. 
I hope everyone finds such a path. 
I hope I can drop enough breadcrumbs for both the birds' next meal 
and still enough left over to find the way home. 
I hope I can say it all with boldness.

I will probably not shout it from the rooftops. 
I am still working through the deep-rooted feelings of not being worth enough to share; 
to proclaim even, the power of personhood. 
Womanhood.
Of equality. 
Of God's great love for all people; every one. 
I know it in my head; I know it in my heart. 
But I just can't seem to find it in my voicebox. 
Yet. 
But I am getting help. 
I can feel it coming.

Building.

Becoming

*"Electric in my veins."

The Spirit of God is moving. 
The tide is washing in. 
And I'm crashing through the wave and riding it into the shore. 
I hope you can feel it, too. 
We're all being carried; we're all catching fire. 
The spark is leaping all over the globe. 
We do not ignite by chance.

And I can't help but wonder with childish excitement: 
God? 
What the hell are you up to!



*Words adapted from Elora Nicole Ramirez' writing prompt.

2 comments:

  1. "Building./Becoming/Electric in my veins."
    Love this. I feel it, too. Scary but invigorating.

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  2. Yes! "What runs electric in your veins?" was part of Elora's prompt, to give the line due credit. Should I have put that in italics in the blog? I didn't want to give away the class material but these are her words. I think I will add quotation marks. This was my answer to that part of it. :)

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