Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Sorrow Days


Today is one of my sorrow days. 
I know. 
We're supposed to be happy or we aren't normal; something needs to be changed. So say almighty THEY. I guess I'm supposed to put a smile on my face and carry on. Maybe try to numb it with food, drink, pills, entertainment. I guess I should skip out on this depth of human emotion that many fear and abhor so greatly.  
My heart is bleeding and there is no comfort. No sweet release. I must dwell here, for a time, knowing it will pass. It always passes.
So I put on David Garrett, who plays my soul's stirrings on his magical violin. And I write. With... words? All the emotions of my heart; how can I express them in mere words? But they are all I have.
Words and music. For my life's song.
A song of sorrow, sometimes joy, always hope.
And I share it with the Listeners.
Those who understand the cries;
The screaming of tortured soul for what isn't but should be.
For what is and shouldn't be.
A world of misery, unrest, disquiet; 
Strewn with ashes.
If I never had a sorrow day, would empathy exist? Would I even know how to love?
Swirling questions. Oppressors of weakness, circling like birds of prey to eat my soul 
if it chooses death.
But I will always choose life in the end.
I may flicker and sputter but I will never be extinguished. For even in this, my greatest weakness, I am strong. Strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Strong with the strength of others: Strong Ones existing beyond the thinning veil. 
And those as human as I am, 
Who never give up on me; my tribe. My family.
We are made of strong stuff.
Beauty from ashes.
Light in the darkness.
Even shepherd poet warriors lie beside quiet waters, waiting for restoration.
And so wait I.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life..."
Surely.

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